Polygamy, what are the conditions?

ABOUT polygamy, it is never quietly discussed. When men are accused of polygamy because of their lust, the rejection of women is perceived as a form of disobedience. Is it like that?

For those who intend to practice polygamy, of course, it can't be done immediately. Only with intentional capital. There are several conditions that must be met. The following are the conditions for polygamy as quoted from the Sprinkling of Faith.

Limiting the number of wives he will marry

This condition has been mentioned by Allah swt. by His word; …then marry (other) women that you like: two, three or four (Q.S. An-Nisaa: 3).

The above verse clearly states that Allah has decreed that a man should not marry more than four wives. So Islam limits if you don't have one wife, you can only have two, three, or four.

This restriction also aims to limit men who like women from doing what they want. In addition, with the limitation of four wives, it is hoped that there will be no other man who does not find a wife or there are also women who do not find a husband. Perhaps, if Islam allowed only two wives, many women would be unmarried. If more than four are allowed, it may happen that many men do not get wives.

It is forbidden for the husband to collect women who still have kinship to become his wife

For example, marrying a brother, sister, mother and child, a sibling's child with a mother and sibling from both the father's and the mother's side. The purpose of this prohibition is to maintain friendship between family members.

The Messenger of Allah said, which means; "Indeed, if you do that, as a result you will break the ties of kinship between yourselves." (H.R. Bukhari and Muslim).

A friend named Fairuz Ad-Dailamy after embracing Islam, told the Prophet that he had a wife who was a sister. So the Messenger of Allah told him to choose one of them and divorce the other. So it has been agreed that it is forbidden to gather these brothers and sisters in Islam.

It is also required to be fair

As Allah (swt) has said: "Then if you doubt that you cannot do justice (between your wives), then (marry him) only one, or (use) the female servants you have. That is closer (to prevent) so that you do not do injustice." (Q.S. An-Nisaa: 3)

It is clearly explained and demanded that husbands be fair if they are going to polygamy. If you are afraid that you will not be able to do justice if there are up to four wives, only three are enough. But if even that can't be fair, just two is enough. And if the two are still worried that they won't do justice, then you should marry only one. The mufassirins are of the opinion that being fair is obligatory. Fair here does not mean only fair to the wives, but implies being absolutely fair.

To be fair in terms of showing and sharing love and affection towards wives, is a very big responsibility. However, it is a matter that is still within human capabilities.

Justice which is used as a condition for the permissibility of polygamy is based on paragraph 3 of Surah An-Nisaa. Then in verse 129 the surah also states that it is impossible for justice to be fulfilled or carried out.

Actually, what is meant by the two verses above is that the desired justice is not justice that narrows your chest so that you feel excessive objections to polygamy which is lawful by Allah. It's just that what is desired is that you don't tend to be completely in favor of just one of your wives, and then you leave the others as adrift.

In addition, people who may have two wives are those who truly believe in themselves to be able to act fairly, for which there will not be the slightest doubt. If he is in doubt, just one is enough. The fair that is meant here is 'inclination of the heart'. And of course this is very difficult to do, so polygamy is a difficult thing to achieve. Obviously, polygamy is allowed on an emergency basis for people who truly believe they can do justice.

In fact, don't let the husband let one of his wives hang, like hanging without a rope. Let's get rid of the inclination towards one wife that causes the other to feel disappointed. As for the inclination that is forgiven, it is only the inclination that cannot be separated from each individual, namely the inclination of the heart towards one of them but does not lead to the act of reducing the rights of the other.

Afif Ab. Fattah Tabbarah in his book Ruhuddinil Islami says; The meaning of justice in the verse is equality: what is desired is equality in terms of outward association such as providing a living, a place to live, a place to sleep, and good services, as well as in carrying out responsibilities as husband and wife.”

Do not cause chaos among wives and children

So, the husband should be sure that his new marriage will not disturb and damage the lives of his wife and children. This is because polygamy is permitted in Islam to protect the interests of all parties. If this interest cannot be maintained properly, then someone who is polygamous at that time is sinful.

Able or powerful to bear a living

What is meant by sustenance here is outward sustenance, as the Messenger of Allah saw. said;

"O young men, who among you is able to make a living, then you should marry. And whoever is unable, let him fast.”

The above hadith shows that the Messenger of Allah. ordered every man to marry but on condition that he was able to provide for his wife. If they are not capable, then it is not recommended to marry even though he is a healthy person physically and mentally. Therefore, to restrain his sexual desire, it is recommended to fast.

So, if with a wife alone it is difficult to provide a living, surely Islam forbids such people to have polygamy. Giving a living to the wife is obligatory since the entry into force of a marriage, when the husband has absolutely a wife. Likewise, the wife must obey and provide the services needed in daily interactions.

Well, it is clear that a man who wants to practice polygamy should be a pious person, fear Allah in his own circumstances or in appearance, he must also be fair and honest in practicing it. The man should be intelligent, good at arithmetic, or in other words he should repeat the calculations a thousand times and measure his need and ability to polygamy.

The problem now is, if this happens to us, the wives, there is one question that we must ask: Is it our husband who expressly states or asks permission for his decision to polygamy? If not, we also have the right to decide something important for our lives, because there is no syar'i argument that requires us to give permission to him.

With the polygamy model that is widely applied today, which generally loses its strong foundations, I advise especially to women who will become second wives, they should remember the feelings of fellow women, because it deserves to be the main consideration.

Because for some women, however, the name 'coupled' is painful for them, as well as hurting the hearts of their parents. However, if indeed as wives we can accept our husbands doing polygamy gracefully and are able to adapt to the auspices of a polygamous family, let him surrender.